Jameel and I found out we were pregnant for the first time while on a trip together, just the two of us, in Paris. One night before heading out to dinner, I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom of our Airbnb. Two pink lines appeared immediately. My heart raced. I was excited, in disbelief, nervous.
We added our padlock to the Pont des Arts bridge that said “J&J+1.” For the rest of the trip, we imagined life as a family of three. Apart from being in beautiful wine country and not able to enjoy the wine, fresh cheeses, and paté, I was grateful and excited.
When we returned home, I booked an ultrasound, I figured I was around 8 weeks at the time. The ultrasound tech started the scan. She was quiet and took her time, then finally announced she was having trouble finding a heartbeat. This being my first pregnancy, the thought of not seeing a heartbeat hadn’t crossed my mind. I remember feeling naive to have thought that it would have been so straightforward and easy.
The next day I had an appointment with my doctor. She called it a “missed miscarriage,” as I wasn’t having any of the typical signs of pregnancy loss. We discussed next steps and agreed on a “wait and see what happens” approach, as I was hoping my body would naturally miscarry and we could avoid any invasive measures. I was sent for serial beta HCGs to make sure the level was coming down. To my surprise (and my doctor’s), my HCG levels were rising at a rate indicative of a normal pregnancy.
As I was still experiencing pregnancy symptoms, my hopes rose again and I was sent for another ultrasound in hopes of seeing a heartbeat. Another emotional blow when there was no heartbeat or change in the size of the fetal pole. My doctor recommended we take a more aggressive approach—medication or a D&C. I decided to take misoprostol to start contractions and end/expel the pregnancy. The misoprostol didn’t work the first round, so I took a second round and eventually bled and passed a mass of tissue.
We are further along in our fertility journey now. After much learning over the last few years and speaking with a few different specialists, we know that the above experience and pregnancy was most likely a partial molar pregnancy.
Waiting on Sunrise 