We found out at 11 weeks we were expecting identical twins. Our twins were mono-di, which meant they shared the same placenta but not the same sacs. At 16 weeks, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 TTTS (twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome). We flew to Toronto for laser surgery. It was, at the time, successful.
However, I soon developed TAPS (twin anemia polycythemia sequence), which resulted in another cross-country trip to Toronto. The doctor performed a blood transfusion on the anemic baby in preparation for another attempt at laser surgery. However, the night after the blood transfusion, I lost twin A.
For the remainder of my pregnancy, the outcome for baby B was unsure. I had weekly appointments and ultrasounds to check on the baby. It was incredibly difficult having lost one baby but still being pregnant with another and waiting weekly to hear a heartbeat. I managed the best I could because I had to. I had my other daughter to think about and try to bring her into this world healthy and safely.
I had the remainder of my pregnancy to grieve the loss of our one baby. We talked to lots of people, did lots of online research. But a lot was and still is held inside. Due to my unique experience, there is not a lot of help out there.
The loss of our daughter was not good for my relationship with my partner. We grieved separately and alone. That made us grow apart. The birth of our other daughter brought us back together. I still am grieving and my partner at times cannot understand. As for family and friends, no one knows what to say so we said nothing. It was a painful and difficult experience. A lot of people do not know our story and I am unsure how to tell it.
Waiting on Sunrise 