I struggled to get pregnant. We tried for four years, then went on fertility drugs. I got pregnant with my son, who is a healthy three-year-old.
Knowing I would struggle to conceive again, we went straight into fertility drugs again. I got pregnant right away with the baby I call Jubilee. My first miscarriage would have been completely missed had I not taken a test before my period was due to arrive. Within days, I lost the baby and my HCG levels were dropping. The baby was never fully attached in my uterus.
I got pregnant two months later and everything was going fine. I saw the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound at 7 weeks. I started spotting at 13 weeks. My OB got me in for an ultrasound and they confirmed what I was dreading. There was no heartbeat. My baby Abilene had passed away 3 weeks prior, and my body didn’t realize it. I felt so betrayed.
I passed the baby later that night, which was the size of a grape with nubs for limbs. There was the umbilical cord, attached to the toonie-sized placenta. I thought that was it, and that I wouldn’t endure much more.
After passing the baby, I had no idea what to expect. Excruciating pain, worse than full-term labor with my son. I made my husband call 911. When I got to the hospital, I gushed clots and blood everywhere. It was like a murder scene. My heart was broken, and my body was rejecting someone I so dearly loved.
Waiting on Sunrise 