On Saturday, January 29th, around 12 weeks pregnant, I woke up with pink spotting. An ultrasound was scheduled for Monday. The ultrasound tech eventually told me she was going to be right back with a doctor, who said, “I have some bad news. Your baby has no heartbeat and there is no blood flow.” The doctor continued to talk about options: have the baby naturally, have a D&C, or get put under and remove the baby.
My husband made the calls to friends and family. I couldn’t talk with anyone or hear people talking about it. l thought of a mother kangaroo and how she carries her baby inside her pouch everywhere she goes. A baby kangaroo is called a joey. The perfect name for our little one lying lifeless in my pouch. Joey means “Jehovah Increases.”
Later that day I was having contractions and cramps, all the while screaming in pain. My doctor called me back and told me to go to the hospital ASAP. As soon as I stepped out of the car it felt as if a bucket of water just poured out of me. Blood was everywhere. I was asked questions over and over. It felt as if I was answering the same things, but I just kept saying thank-you to everything they did. We thought that I might have passed the baby at home because of the “chunks” that were coming out from me.
A wonderful nurse named Jean came into my room and asked if I wanted to pee. Jean took me to the bathroom and told me to pull the emergency line when I was finished. Immediately after she left, I pulled the line. I could see the birth sac coming out. I was holding the baby, not sure whether to let it go down the toilet or not. Jean couldn’t pull it out of me, so we left it where it was, half inside and half outside of me.
I was unable to get the baby to come out with pushes. The doctor took his little tiny forceps and maneuvered the baby out, being very careful to have the entire birth sac all in one piece. Then he cleaned me out. This was the most physically painful thing that I have ever had to experience. In the birth sac, we saw the outline of our two-inch baby Joey. It was amazing. It was so tiny. So small. I said “thank you” to the nurse, then laid back down to wait for the bleeding to slow down so we could go home.
Waiting on Sunrise 